Category Archives: Uncategorized

The night the WiFi went down…

1534217099106

They told us it could never happen…that there were redundancies built on top of redundancies. I can still their faces – gaunt, pale and deprived of stimuli, staggering down the dark streets in their sweatpants murmuring about brains and click-bait.

#NeverForget

 

Written for: Twittering Tales

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Giving Notice…

nyc-jill-wisoff

It was an open secret that the top twenty floors could be jettisoned in the event of an emergency – a fire or a raid by the IRS. No one believed it of course. The story was merely the legend-spinning of an overly flamboyant landlady. Little did they realise that they were slowly being conditioned and coerced with subtle advertising and targeted marketing – the best rates and exclusive deals – till finally she had all the rotten eggs in one place – the fraudsters and embezzlers, pariahs and parasites, and that’s when the building became a Christmas tree of lights and the rockets burst into life. Whether they liked it or not her tenants were being evicted from Earth…

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

21 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Victoria Falls…

k-rawson

None of Victor’s kids wished to be saddled with the property – grim, prone to subsidence and perpetual reminder of a mirth-free childhood. Let it be forgotten with the old tyrant.

But alas, the last will and testament was clear, as were the sizeable debts that had been left behind.

Victor’s kids were besides themselves…

…Until they realised the log-flume potential.

They delayed the funeral for a year (no one would’ve come anyway) and, shortly before the grand opening, retrieved their father from his frosty limbo, placed him in the front seat and gave him a send off worthy of marvel…

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

15 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

It’s off to worse we go…

img_1526

The seven dwarves made a fortune from their pay-per-view site ‘Watch Women Sleep,’ which, while sleazy, was a marked improvement on their original business idea: ‘High Hoes.’

 

175 Characters

Written for: Twittering Tales

7 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

You say tomato…

j-hardy-boxing-gym

In the absence of anything approaching moral fortitude Ursula Boxing arrived at her vocation.

Want someone putting in a box?

Call Ursula Boxing.

Her slow-witted, affable husband Jim manned the phone. As far as he was aware they ran a haulage company (though strangely he’d never seen any trucks).

‘My darling,’ he announced, ‘you’ve a job at a boxing gym! Isn’t that precious!’

‘Yes dear,’ she sighed, sizing him up for future packaging.

The decoded message was clear. Woman. 52. One between the eyes – no fuss.

The place was boarded up. As she entered the door slammed shut behind her and she heard rivets being driven into concrete.

Ursula Boxing was now Ursula Boxed.

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

11 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Pope invents game: Rock, Papal, Scissors (#Six Word Stories)

VATICAN-POPE-MASS-CANDLEMAS

2. Michael Bay’s coffin transforms into Decepticon

3. British queue achieves polite repressed sentience

4. T-Rex forms prehistoric band “Marc Bolan”

5. Dalek confirmed as worst callcentre accent

trump_in_hell

7. Bono finds what he’s looking for

8. Territorial Army refuse to share barracks

9. First rule of acronym club: N.T.Z.A.R.G

10. Cannibal takes wife’s hand in marriage

 

Previous six-word stories…

Six Word Stories

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

400 billion people attend exaggerators anonymous…(#Six Word Stories)

2016_Marshmello_YouTube_151116.jpg

2. Narcissistic 3D Printer elopes with clone

3. They’re attacking. Ready the pedophile cannon!

4. Exploding zit scuppers mammary groping opportunity

5. Fernando Fingernail rebrands as Santa Claus

6. Colonel Sanders lightly battered, then cremated

6 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized