Category Archives: Uncategorized

You say tomato…


In the absence of anything approaching moral fortitude Ursula Boxing arrived at her vocation.

Want someone putting in a box?

Call Ursula Boxing.

Her slow-witted, affable husband Jim manned the phone. As far as he was aware they ran a haulage company (though strangely he’d never seen any trucks).

‘My darling,’ he announced, ‘you’ve a job at a boxing gym! Isn’t that precious!’

‘Yes dear,’ she sighed, sizing him up for future packaging.

The decoded message was clear. Woman. 52. One between the eyes – no fuss.

The place was boarded up. As she entered the door slammed shut behind her and she heard rivets being driven into concrete.

Ursula Boxing was now Ursula Boxed.


Written for: Friday Fictioneers



Filed under Uncategorized

Pope invents game: Rock, Papal, Scissors (#Six Word Stories)


2. Michael Bay’s coffin transforms into Decepticon

3. British queue achieves polite repressed sentience

4. T-Rex forms prehistoric band “Marc Bolan”

5. Dalek confirmed as worst callcentre accent


7. Bono finds what he’s looking for

8. Territorial Army refuse to share barracks

9. First rule of acronym club: N.T.Z.A.R.G

10. Cannibal takes wife’s hand in marriage


Previous six-word stories…

Six Word Stories

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400 billion people attend exaggerators anonymous…(#Six Word Stories)


2. Narcissistic 3D Printer elopes with clone

3. They’re attacking. Ready the pedophile cannon!

4. Exploding zit scuppers mammary groping opportunity

5. Fernando Fingernail rebrands as Santa Claus

6. Colonel Sanders lightly battered, then cremated


Filed under Uncategorized



He took the role reluctantly and with a heavy heart. Events had sliced open a vacancy and duty required that he step to the plate, but such undertakings were not meant for family men. As the mantra bludgeoned:

They come for you via your children. 

So he gathered them together, his little ones, and told them of his quest, and then he kissed them goodbye.

The path was not straight and he become entrenched in subterfuge and recrimination.  Years passed, till one mundane morning he glimpsed his eldest daughter through armoured glass. He prayed she would see the number plate and recognise its significance; follow its clues and find what he had left for her…

Written for: Friday Fictioneers


Filed under Uncategorized

Twittering Tales: Manoeuvres Against Humanity…


Greg was a fine father, a great cook and always made the guys on the bowling team howl with glee, but he was also hogging the middle lane, so he was ultimately an asshole!


138 Characters

Written for: Twittering Tales


Filed under Uncategorized

Breach On Three…

For those of you of a funk / soul persuasion, I’ve written the theme tune to a fictional 70’s cop show. Listen to it here on Soundcloud (along with other folk and jazz concoctions):




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Six Word Stories #4


2. Henry emerged from teleporter half hoover

3. Jesus’ fingerprints found on bunny’s corpse

4. Hell fails Ofsted inspection. Heads roll

5. Santa incarcerated after elf sweatshop raid


7. Brian May enters Nazareth riding badger

8. Miniturised man bites sleeping bed-bug

9. Jewish bank denies holocaust-denyer’s loan

10. Dustin Hoffman obsesses over Rainman sequel

Trojan Horse

12. Average white band received lacklustre review

13. Velociraptor sues over ‘chicken-splicing’ debacle

14. Terrible first date inside troll’s stomach

15. Dyslexic divorcees win custody of diks


See previous: Six Word Stories #3


Filed under Flash fiction, Uncategorized