The answer was inside you all along…

‘Don’t you think I’m a little old for quests?’

‘Not if you want to win my heart,’ the fair maiden cooed.

‘But why does the treasure map have so many exes?’

‘Am I not worth the effort?’

‘Of course.’

When he started the endeavour he was as fat as a house, but several weeks of digging later he was svelte, bronzed and, from a certain angle, ruggedly handsome.

‘That’s more like it,’ announced a delighted maiden.

‘But I never found the treasure!’

‘Oh there never was any treasure. I just wanted to make you a little more presentable.’

He sighed. Perhaps she wasn’t the one after all.

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

Early Adopter…

Technology had really taken the adrenaline out of Peeping Tommery – spy cams, zoom lenses and such like.

Roger was old school – Get up close and personal, take a table lamp to the face like a man.

The technician tapped the jar in which his brain floated. ‘No Roger! Bad thoughts!’

 

Written for: Twittering tales

Bedlam & Breakfast…

Erosion and rising tides made the property worthless. We bought it for a song and, for a time, lived like kings. Citing senility our children cried foul and came after the inheritance in a midnight raid, prompting a daring scuba flight into obscurity and, ultimately, legend.

 

Written for: Twittering Tales

 

Gallows Humour…

In the final moments there was doubt. He steeled himself. Life had been a chore and Rachel wasn’t coming back. This wasn’t even a unique place to jump.

On the way down a tiny light came on: Exit.

Who would ever see such a thing unless in freefall?

‘Huh, that’s pretty fun…’

 

Written for: Twittering Tales

Giving Notice…

It was an open secret that the top twenty floors could be jettisoned in the event of an emergency – a fire or a raid by the IRS. No one believed it of course. The story was merely the legend-spinning of an overly flamboyant landlady. Little did they realise that they were slowly being conditioned and coerced with subtle advertising and targeted marketing – the best rates and exclusive deals – till finally she had all the rotten eggs in one place – the fraudsters and embezzlers, pariahs and parasites, and that’s when the building became a Christmas tree of lights and the rockets burst into life. Whether they liked it or not her tenants were being evicted from Earth…

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

Victoria Falls…

None of Victor’s kids wished to be saddled with the property – grim, prone to subsidence and perpetual reminder of a mirth-free childhood. Let it be forgotten with the old tyrant.

But alas, the last will and testament was clear, as were the sizeable debts that had been left behind.

Victor’s kids were besides themselves…

…Until they realised the log-flume potential.

They delayed the funeral for a year (no one would’ve come anyway) and, shortly before the grand opening, retrieved their father from his frosty limbo, placed him in the front seat and gave him a send off worthy of marvel…

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

It’s off to worse we go…

The seven dwarves made a fortune from their pay-per-view site ‘Watch Women Sleep,’ which, while sleazy, was a marked improvement on their original business idea: ‘High Hoes.’

 

175 Characters

Written for: Twittering Tales