Tag Archives: Books

Love For Sale

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The remaining tenant proved the hardest nut to crack. They went at him day and night – an assault of white noise and legal taunts.

Old before his time, he shuffled to the courthouse and made his last stand:

‘I proposed to my wife in this home, toiled for forty years to keep it, and found a widower’s solace here. Please…’

A quadrupled offer finally dislodged him.

He withdrew from the courthouse and disappeared into the crowd, re-emerging many thousands of miles away – a skip in his step.

His wife came to the chalet door. He showed her a cheque for an insane amount of money.

‘Suckers!”

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

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24 Comments

Filed under Flash fiction, short story

We Should Unionise…

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Harriet’s husband came home early, prompting a mad dash across the bedroom, into a walk-in-wardrobe. There, the adulterer discovered a similarly naked man cowering amidst fur coats and party frocks.

His first heightened thought: Is nothing sacred?

They listened as a (potentially) murderous and drunken Goliath showered his wife with clumsy kisses before collapsing into an uneasy stupor.

A sliver of light illuminated their escape route – a bathroom and a flat roof beyond.

Creeping and held breath led them to freedom. Under the moon’s gaze, one crammed into a little black dress; the other resplendent in a ball-gown, they exchanged unfathomable expressions before parting company, their adrenaline sufficiently expunged for the time being…

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

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Filed under Flash fiction

It’s what he would’ve wanted…

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His wife (whom he hated) had promised to carry out his final wishes to the letter, but Geoffrey knew better than to trust a woman schooled in the subtle arts of emasculation. In secret he had a second will drawn up and passed to a trusted confidant.

As he laboured in the final stages of his illness he was warmed by constant rumination on how, in death,  he might best offend his god-awful family. Various conceits were considered: having his cadaver loaded onto a trebuchet and fired indiscriminately into the air, being liquidised and surreptitiously added to the reception punch (where he could quite literally become a pain in everyone’s arse), and orchestrating a remote controlled resurrection; his eyes flashing red.

What he settled upon was simpler and more grotesque.

Come the big day mock mourners were met with absence – no coffin, no flowers – Nothing save for a cream stove upon which sat a solitary oversized mug. As empty platitudes were flogged into apoplexy Geoffrey’s filleted remains responded by farting  and bubbling their way over the rim in a last glorious gasp of defiance…

Written for: Flash Fiction For Aspiring Writers

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Filed under Flash fiction

Friday Fictioneers: Revenge Runs Deep…

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It wasn’t enough that, after decades of cruelties and recriminations, he’d finally triumphed over his bitter enemy. The fertilised fruits of loss and shame required that his hatred rage on into victory.

And so, in the winter years of his life, he conceived of an idea that would keep the fires burning beyond any mortal tenure – A whispered rumour in the ear of his one remaining heir…

“…Carve an effigy of my nemesis, brought low in chains, and have it placed in a deep recess. Have children run to it on a dare, striking it with harmless cane so that, slowly and imperceptibly, through loss of both form and name, it no longer resembles a man…”

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

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Filed under Flash fiction

Twittering Tales: Let’s Get Tattoos…

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With each stab of ink the message slowly revealed itself: I’ve only paid up to the words ‘I’ve poisoned you’. Wire £1m for the antidote…

 

138 Characters

 

Written for: Twittering Tales

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Filed under Flash fiction

Six Words Stories…

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2. Shakespeare’s first sonnet not all bard…

3. Reader unable to open escapologist’s memoirs

4. Vindictive flamingos christen their son Floyd

5. Bullied magician’s wand disappears up arse

6. Depressed bible salesman receives good news

7. Sea-monsters’s small-talk met with gargantuan indifference

8. Folk musician’s music hated by parents

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(or ‘Adulterous Transformers! Cheating assholes in disguise!’)

10. Online troll’s girlfriend dumps him anonymously

11. Alien’s epic genital grabbing greeting faux-pas

12. A DJ’s quest for musical talent

13. Helen Pselph writes Self Help book

14. Obese astrologist’s ironically unpredicted heart attack

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Previous entry: Six Word Stories #5

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Filed under Flash fiction, Six Word Story

Friday Fictioneers: Progress

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‘…Power sockets in a swimming pool! One of the many reason homo-sapiens once stood on the verge of extinction.’

The teacher’s comments fell on deaf ears. In the foreground she sensed a trio of giggling girls, telekinetically tossing a hairbrush back and forth, and hidden away at the back several boys had clearly pooled their consciousness in order to play online games.

She gave a virtual sigh. Modern teaching was nigh-on impossible.

‘…And this – once the only means of communication; its ringing interrupting a deafening silence devoid of content. Can you imagine?

The kids stared at her blankly. For all their technology and privilege…

…They couldn’t!

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers 

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Filed under Flash fiction