Tag Archives: Books

The night the WiFi went down…

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They told us it could never happen…that there were redundancies built on top of redundancies. I can still their faces – gaunt, pale and deprived of stimuli, staggering down the dark streets in their sweatpants murmuring about brains and click-bait.

#NeverForget

 

Written for: Twittering Tales

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The answer was inside you all along…

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‘Don’t you think I’m a little old for quests?’

‘Not if you want to win my heart,’ the fair maiden cooed.

‘But why does the treasure map have so many exes?’

‘Am I not worth the effort?’

‘Of course.’

When he started the endeavour he was as fat as a house, but several weeks of digging later he was svelte, bronzed and, from a certain angle, ruggedly handsome.

‘That’s more like it,’ announced a delighted maiden.

‘But I never found the treasure!’

‘Oh there never was any treasure. I just wanted to make you a little more presentable.’

He sighed. Perhaps she wasn’t the one after all.

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

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Early Adopter…

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Technology had really taken the adrenaline out of Peeping Tommery – spy cams, zoom lenses and such like.

Roger was old school – Get up close and personal, take a table lamp to the face like a man.

The technician tapped the jar in which his brain floated. ‘No Roger! Bad thoughts!’

 

Written for: Twittering tales

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Giving Notice…

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It was an open secret that the top twenty floors could be jettisoned in the event of an emergency – a fire or a raid by the IRS. No one believed it of course. The story was merely the legend-spinning of an overly flamboyant landlady. Little did they realise that they were slowly being conditioned and coerced with subtle advertising and targeted marketing – the best rates and exclusive deals – till finally she had all the rotten eggs in one place – the fraudsters and embezzlers, pariahs and parasites, and that’s when the building became a Christmas tree of lights and the rockets burst into life. Whether they liked it or not her tenants were being evicted from Earth…

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

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It’s off to worse we go…

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The seven dwarves made a fortune from their pay-per-view site ‘Watch Women Sleep,’ which, while sleazy, was a marked improvement on their original business idea: ‘High Hoes.’

 

175 Characters

Written for: Twittering Tales

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The Long Game…

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Under scrutiny Greg’s discovery of a brand new dinosaur turned out to be an ostrich (a rookie mistake in retrospect). Retreating to the bar amidst howls of laughter he witnessed Lovely Rachel snogging Smarmy Terry the top-soil expert. And then, to cap it all off, the nearby volcano they’d been excavating chose that exact moment to erupt.

All in all the palaeontology conference left a lot to be desired.

Watching the lava roar towards him Greg realised there was no chance of escape. He arranged the ostrich bones on the ground and lay down amongst them. The last laugh would be his.

A million years later a landslide unearthed a strange two-headed creature that was proudly proclaimed to be a brand new dinosaur….

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

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Philandering 101…

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“Always check into a hotel with a light fitting strong enough to swing off. Ensure that the windows are sufficiently thin that, in the unlikely event of running at full sprint from an angry husband, you can penetrate said pane whilst remaining conscious. Never higher than the first floor, and always with bushes below to deaden the fall where your car keys await wrapped in a towel to protect your modesty as you make good your escape.”

“And presumably: Not being tricked into meeting the aforementioned husband in a secluded setting would be near the top of the list?”

 

100 Words

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

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