YOU MANIACS!!!

img_3105

After years of churning out gibberish the apes finally typed the complete works of Shakespeare.

The boffins in their lab coats seemed very pleased with themselves.

Many moons later Charlton Heston rode along the beach and encountered a semi-submerged Statue of Liberty…

Bloody boffins!

 

Written for: Twittering Tales

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under Flash fiction

Pyramid Scheme…

antiquity-2558276_1280

Rameses had promised his favourite concubines that he wouldn’t bury them alive upon his demise, but apparently that had been a catacomb-sized lie.

‘Well that’s just great,’ wailed Hehet over his mummified corpse. ‘What now?’

Ngozi began to angrily carve at the stone walls. ‘Now we make shit up and screw with future historians.’

 

Written for: Twittering Tales

 

 

7 Comments

Filed under Flash fiction

The Burp…

cafc3a9-terrasse-dale-r

It was an ingeniously simple design for which the Intergalactic Utilities Company held a universal patent. From planet to planet their lightweight water-proof canopy, known colloquially as The Burp, provided a plethora of life saving functions.

On Smorg, a world blighted by adverse gravity The Burp served as essential ballast in preventing its occupants from floating away.

On the perpetually damp world of Frond, The Burp protected its highly absorbent inhabitants from swelling up and exploding.

But by far an away its most lorded use was on the notorious bland planet of Beige where colourful Burps played an integral part in spicing up their mating rituals.

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

21 Comments

Filed under Flash fiction

Hidden In Plain Sight…

jhc-clock

Dearest Richard,

If you find this letter, then perhaps there is a chance for us after all.

Do you remember when and where I bought the clock? A bric-a-brac impulse in happier times.

Each hour the little man emerges from his arched door and chimes the hour amidst a tinny fanfare. I imagine he was important once, but like so many things, time marginalised him into an anonymous oddity. In that respect he and I are very much alike. I have placed this missive in his arms. Every sixty minutes he will offer you a way back, if you have the eyes to see and the heart to remember…and if not…

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

20 Comments

Filed under Flash fiction

Admin…

coffee-table-prior

As an immortal it was necessary to fake one’s own death once in a while. It wouldn’t do to live suspiciously long or be the last man at the party. As such his latest manifestation, Raymond Brinegeld, sleazy lawyer and hopeless gambler, had to go.

He left ample clues as to the cause of his demise – bank statements denoting desperation and a pyramid of addiction. The dog bowl filled with vodka was a nice touch.

Far away in a fortress filled with priceless antiquities dating back to the dawn of time he selected a new identity and strode forth, unblemished once more, into the world.

 

Written for: Friday Fictioneers

21 Comments

Filed under Flash fiction

The night the WiFi went down…

1534217099106

They told us it could never happen…that there were redundancies built on top of redundancies. I can still their faces – gaunt, pale and deprived of stimuli, staggering down the dark streets in their sweatpants murmuring about brains and click-bait.

#NeverForget

 

Written for: Twittering Tales

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Punching above my weight…

img_2309

During DNA trial #17654 Derek found the gene for sexual attraction. Shredding his notes and torching the lab he left with a small vial containing a potent elixir and began his new life as an Adonis.

 

(198 characters)

Written for: Twittering Tales

5 Comments

Filed under Flash fiction