Wood I Lie To You?


Lawrence described teaching as misinforming children for benevolent ends

The truth of the matter was that the cart had been left behind by Amish folk after their crops failed for a third consecutive year, but that seemed overly sad, and certainly not the kind of thing you explained to seven year olds. Alternative elucidations were called for..

‘At the end of an intergalactic war that stretched for aeons across the galaxy the robot warrioress was finally victorious, but her amorous husband wouldn’t let her rest, so she transformed herself into that rusty old thing where she hides to this day, waiting for his libido to subside.’

‘What’s a libido sir?’

‘It’s like an unreliable stick.’

‘What’s an aeon?’

‘It’s like the time it takes for Christmas to arrive.’

On another occasion he described the cart as a De-truancyfier.

‘You feed the naughty kids in at this end, and they come out the other side good.’

‘No way!’

‘Yes way. Just ask Stephen.’

‘Stephen moved to the coast when his folks split up.’

‘No,’ Lawrence shook his head and pointed into the haggard remains, ‘De-truancified.’

After many years of delighting children with his falsehoods one of the parents complained about Lawrence’s tall tales and he was encouraged to seek alternative employment. The cart was bought by a hipster who turned it into a boutique coffee stand.

Lawrence sold everything he owned and smuggled himself onto a slow-boat bound for Hong Kong. There he taught deliberately bad English and married a woman of high social standing…

At least that’s what everyone heard…

He may have made it all up…


Written for: Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers


Filed under Flash fiction, short story

11 responses to “Wood I Lie To You?

  1. Don’t take this wrong. Odd.

    Then the last line turned it into something else.

  2. Something good, I should say. The title should be in flashing neon so inattentive, impatient people like me will read it first.

  3. michael1148humphris

    What an opening line, a story in its self,

  4. That was fun. “An unreliable stick” for libido. I gotta remember that…!

  5. I know I appreciated the pun in the title! I can imagine why the parents were upset though – he told such unbeleafable tales. Still, it’s more interesting than anything the kids would have learned…

  6. An unreliable stick. what phraseology. I am a convert.

  7. Truly stupendous. I believe every word; at least, I want to!

  8. She should have just transformed her husband into that rusty old thing, but anyway it is a wonderful story.

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